A Matter of Honor
by The Blue Raven
Summary: Druitt and Tesla may have to tolerate each other but some insults cannot be allowed to stand. Pure crack!fic.


**A Matter of Honor** Druitt and Tesla may have to tolerate each other but some insults cannot be allowed to stand. Crack.

Summary:

**Rating:** PG (violence is discussed but doesn't actually happen)

**A Matter of Honor**

"I didn't miss the beginning, did I?" Will asked, sitting down next to Henry and balancing an enormous bowl of popcorn in his lap.

"Nah, man. You're good," Henry assured him, grabbing a handful of popcorn with one hand and offering a bottle of beer with his other. "I would have called you. This is going to be epic."

"Several kinds of epic," he agreed. "More riveting than season three of Torchwood and more fun for the eyes than the new Trek."

"You are _such_ a fanboy, man," the werewolf laughed.

He smiled and adopted his best movie voiceover timbre, "When friendship turns into anonymity and old loyalties no longer apply."

Henry sniggered, smacking Will on the shoulder.

"It used to be the principle of the thing. This time," Will continued, deepening his voice, "it's _personal_."

"Man, you're wasted on psychology. You should be a comedian with material like that."

He opened his mouth to respond, but trailed off, holding up one hand. "Shh, shh..."

Henry leaned forward, blindly reaching for another handful of popcorn as the combatants strode into view.

"What are they at each other about this time?" he wanted to know as Druitt unsheathed his swords. "Or is this just a continuation of the 'sucky taste in wine' incident?"

"Nah, they made up on that one," Will murmured, watching Tesla vamp out and roll his shoulders. "This one's actually big."

"Who did what?"

"They got Magnus the same assortment of chocolates for her birthday. Apparently, for male members of the Five, this is equivalent to showing up for the prom in the same dress."

"Ouch," Henry remarked, shaking his head and taking a long pull of his beer. "Five bucks on Druitt drawing first blood."

"Done," Will agreed. "Twenty on Tesla shorting out everything in a three block radius before they're forced to call it a draw."

"Nah, that's too much of a gimme."

"Hmm." Will considered for a moment. "Five on Tesla being the first to throw the word 'abomination' out there?"

Henry raised an eyebrow. "I'll give you three to one odds on that, man."

"Good deal," he agreed, offering his hand to shake on it.

"Are you two _done_?" Tesla sighed, hands on his hips.

"Steady on, old boy," Druitt soothed. "At least they didn't follow through on their plan to sell tickets..."

The vampire waved a dismissive hand. "Only because there would be too much chance of Helen finding out if they did."

"A valid point," he conceded, testing the edge of one of his blades. "Shall we, then?"

"Ten paces," Tesla agreed, inclining his head towards Druitt before the men turned their backs on each other.

"Victorians are _so_ messed up," Henry whispered to Will.

"Personal honor's personal honor." He shrugged. "Not like anyone's getting permanently hurt."

"True, man, but if you and I ever decide on a duel, it's totally going to be laser tag or something."

"Agreed," Will answered as the two men spun to face each other again, dropping into defensive crouches and surging towards each other.

_**Gentlemen!"**_ an authoritative voice rang, making both freeze.

Henry gave a terrified whimper. Will turned to look up at her, freezing and yelping at a sharp pain in his left ear. Holy Hannah, Magnus was twisting his ear!

"A duel? Honestly, I am surrounded by adolescents."

"Magnus, I can--" Will began. _"Argh!"_ he shouted when she twisted harder.

"I can't ground any of you, of course, since you're all adults," she began in that voice of hers that was chilling because it was so calm. "Of course, it _has_ been decades since the lower levels were given a thorough scrubbing down. If you gentlemen have that much excess energy, to burn off, that should be just the thing. Go change into clothes you don't mind getting dirty. I'll meet you all in the main lab in ten minutes."

As the four men watched her go, it was Tesla who spoke. "I think I preferred the prospect of immanent disembowelment..."

**The End**


End file.
